Jeremy gets all self-referential.

JEREMY: [Sitting at his desk.] You know, if I could do my teenage years over again, I would totally wear t-shirts from Hanoi Rocks and The Replacements, and I would be the most esoteric fifteen year old in f*cking high school. Mötley Crüe rocks? F*ck you. Hanoi Rocks. You want sex, drugs, and rock n' roll? The Replacements were too f*cked up to even make it on stage.

JILL: [Sitting at her computer.] I, like, totally love you right now. [Opens new word document, starts typing.] ...Say, can you repeat all that?

JEREMY: In a minute. I'm busy looking for obscure sh*t on Ebay.

JILL: [Grins.]

JEREMY:...Someday I am going to find that Saigon Kick t-shirt with the lizard on it--the same one I have on my shoulder--so I can wear a shirt that matches my tattoo, with the image on it that inspired my tattoo.

JILL: Wow, meta.

JEREMY: [Grins.]

[end scene]

I will deny this ever occurred if you bring it up in polite conversation.

SCENE 1
(2002. An apartment on the west side of Saint Paul, Minnesota.) 

LAURA
I would like to share a cautionary tale about what happens if you do not send the CD club postcard back on time.
(Holds up compact disc, which she now owns. It is Kid Rock's “Cocky.”)

JILL
Ouch!

LAURA
I mean, what are we going to do? Listen to it?

BOTH
(Peals of dismissive laughter.)

(End scene.)



SCENE 2
(One month later. The living room of same apartment.)

(Jill and Laura shamelessly rock out to the music of Motor City's native son as they straighten up. It is clear this has happened before.)

LAURA
(Fluffing couch pillows.)
They say I'm COCKY, and I say WHAT? It ain't braggin' motherf*cker if you back it up!

JILL
(Straightening stack of books.)
THEY say I'm cocky, and I say what? It ain't braggin' motherf*cker if you BACK it UP! 

BOTH
(Playing air guitar during interlude.)

BOTH
(Folding a blanket in rhythm with the music, singing along with gusto.)
I'm from the outskirts of Detroit Rock City! A shirts, Cadillacs, big t*tties! Skinny models, you can keep those. I like BIG corn-FED midWESTern HOES!

LAURA
(Raising the roof.)
Don't you KNOW?

JILL
(Doing the robot.)
Talk fast, pimp SLOW!

(Blackout.)

Wednesday night. The couch.

Jill: [Flipping through the Pine to Prairie Telephone Pioneers Cookbook, circa 1982.] OH MY JESUS.

Jeremy: [Trying to watch Parenthood.] Hmm.

Jill: Here's a recipe for Ham Mousse.

Jeremy: Hmm?

Jill: Hammm. MMMousse.

Jeremy: Mm-hmm.

Jill: The first ingredient is Knox Gelatin!

Jeremy: [Shakes head.] Mmm-Mm!

Jill: ...It has onions, and celery, and green peppers....and whipped cream in it!

Jeremy: [Shakes head violently.] Mmm-MM!

Jill: The phrase “chill until slightly thickened” should never be used in a recipe involving ham!

Jeremy: GAH!

Jill: ...Perhaps it's time for me to take a break from the hotdish "research."

Jeremy: [Raises single eyebrow.]

Jill: [Closes cookbook, sets it aside.]

[end scene]

Saturday night: the couch.

Jeremy: What are you doing?

Jill: [About to edit single solitary blog post. Again.] Nothing.

Jeremy: Are you editing your post?

Jill: ...No?

Jeremy: Stop it!

Jill: But...there are words that don't need to be there!

Jeremy: Knock it off!

Jill: But...I want to fix it!

Jeremy: You're going to be like Guns N' Roses, re-editing Chinese Democracy every day for the next twelve years. Quit it!

Jill: But...I want to make it better!

Jeremy: So did Axl Rose.

Jill: ...Touche. [Hits "publish."]

[end scene]